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There is Another Woman in My Marriage

And I hate her! She drives me crazy. I want to throw her out the window or smash her on the ground.

Why do I hate her?

My husband listens to her, he trusts her. He trusts her more than me. She contradicts me and he listens to her. It’s so frustrating. I want to scream, “But I’m your wife, you’ve only known her for half of a year.” But I don’t.

I know he needs her. A bit. Seriously though, all the time? I don’t think so.

Who is this horrible interloper in my marriage?

Her name is Garmin. Yep, the fabulous GPS voice that comes out of a little box that tells my husband how to get to where he is going. She used to talk with a British accent, which was the setting my husband had it on. (Of course, he picked the British setting.) She mispronounced street names so now the “other woman” in our lives talks with an American accent. She still can’t pronounce street names correctly.

You see, before we moved here the husband said he’d have to get a GPS. I tried to explain that Detroit was laid out like a grid. Well, a grid with wagon wheel spokes. I showed him maps and pointed out that the mile roads run east and west. I assured him it was easy.

And to be fair, he has done amazingly well tooling around Detroit and getting places. I mean, imagine if you were plunked down in a place you barely knew with different driving rules and customs. It’s not easy. Names of places don’t really mean anything to him; he doesn’t have the same reference points we do.

Oddly, he does know where every Lowe’s, Ace, and Home Depot are within a 15 mile radius.

So, I try and get along with Little Miss Garmin. But sometimes she gives really craptastic directions. Sometimes he listens to those directions over mine, which drives me crazy. That’s when I want to punch her.

Many times I’ll concede that she is actually leading him in the right direction and then he doesn’t do as he’s told. “Stay right on I-75 and take exit blah blah blah,” she’ll say. A few minutes later, when we haven’t exited, I get blamed for not reinforcing her wishes.

I guess I can’t win. As much as I hate her, I have come to terms with her being in our lives. She even helped me once when I knew I was within spitting distance of a location but couldn’t find the exact address. I secretly plugged her in and she got me to where I was going. Shh, that’s our little secret.

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Reader Comments (17)

Haha, awesome. I need to get a GPS but keep putting it off.

Also, that photo - I'm gonna have some a lot like it once the photographer gets done compiling the CD. ;D

Vegas marriages rule!

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRyan Meray

Love this post! The mile roads make things a bit simpler, but I still find myself getting lost and I've been here I can see where Lil' Miss Garmin would be helpful. Maybe I need to purchase they have male voices as well??? ;)

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Weber

But do you really need a GPS? I can see the benefits when going to new places or road trips but would you need one to get around town?
I can't wait to see your wedding pictures! Vegas baby!

Thank you! Lil' Miss Garmin has her moments of brilliance but she can also be quite annoying. And yes, I believe they do have male voices and British male voices!

August 5, 2009 | Registered CommenterBecks Davis

I don't know if your unit supports it, but some GPS's allow for you to add your own voice packs - so you could then take over the voice of the "other woman."

However, that could get VERY confusing. :-)

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeremiah Staes

I would have been lost without a GPS device in England. Too bad it didn't keep calmly telling me, "You're driving on the wrong side of the road... you're driving on the...".

One thing's for sure; it'll be a while before GPS knows the same routes as the locals. Google Maps etc. have that problem also. :-)


August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGreg

LOL, Good writing know the nickname for little miss Garmin don't you....? "A bitch in a box"! LOL

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoey

Cute post. I feel you. We called ours bitchin' betty. I think Garamin has a male Austrialain voice you can choose. I'd sneak in and switch it, because who doesn't like takingorders from a guy that sounds like Hugh Jackman?

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

LOL, mispronounces names, eh? I wonder what she would call Mackinac Bridge?

Is there a construction function?

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWingsStef

Since our Garmin is a hand held it doesn't talk it just beeps. The beeps are annoying too, especially when you ignore its advice.

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTim

At least, as Tim says, our GPS doesn't talk back to us :lol:

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDominique/Midwest Guest

I think we'd have to pay extra to add our own voice. And you're right, it might get confusing!

I only drove a few times in England and not very far distances. But I think it would be even more confusing there, with the roundabouts and all! Now that would be a good service or app, directions from a local!

Joey and Nancy,
Thank you! I didn't have a nickname for the Garmin, but I do now thanks to you. And it most definitely has the word "bitch" in it! I don't think the husband would be too happy if I changed it to an Australian accent but I might have to try it to see how it sounds!

I can't remember what it was she said that was mispronounced wrong. Maybe we'll take a trip over to the East Side to see how she handles Gratiot, Groesbeck, and Schoenherr! I think if you pay extra you can get construction alerts.

Tim & Dominique,
Yeah, I suppose the beeping would get pretty annoying as well.

August 5, 2009 | Registered CommenterBecks Davis

Cute post! Nicely written.

Reading a map is still an important skill, and I prefer having a good map at hand. I have used GPS sparingly. Mostly I found it annoying, but it was nice to detour around an accident on a road trip through Canada once.

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTodd

This is when I am glad I am NOT dependent on GPS. I really want to get one eventually though because when going to new places and road trips I agree with you... it is the best and a lot easier than printing out Google Maps each time you go and having maps all over your car. Plus, that annoying little voice would sound good.

But you are coming to terms with a place you have known all your life minus a few years and he is just learning and here comes technology to screw things up. I would think he would have to learn eventually but WHY? When you have GPS to yell at you?

Too much technology sometimes I guess.?

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Favreau

Very creative post...title and all!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

Ha ha! Our area is laid out like a grid too, but I like to have the GPS for travel. Yeah my sweetie changed the voice on his Tom Tom GPS to a woman's voice. LOL I was surprised he would take directions from a woman.

August 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterQueen of the Click

This is a testimony that i will tell every one to hear. i have
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and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i
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August 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersarah

i thank you dr osarenti as you put smile on my face again. back,because it has been a lonely life for me since 3years ago because of my body no one want to marry me but when i contacted you i became every man desire and my Ex has come back again with many flowers and even begging me to come have a marriage with these is the happiest time of my life and i thank you papa,but if you also need help, you can contact him via

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

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